


A Stranger

by JayceInSpace



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: (like 20s), Coming out older, Gen, Implied POC Harry, Implied POC James, M/M, Trans Male Character, Trans Remus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 04:37:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7670335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JayceInSpace/pseuds/JayceInSpace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry notices something in Sirius' memories, and Remus tells Sirius a secret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Stranger

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a reaaaallly long time since I've posted anything anywhere. But here's this. I wanted more Trans Remus stuff and very few of them center around him coming out at an older age so here you go!  
> I don't particularly like it but whatever. Enjoy.

Harry sat in the dusty attic of Twelve Grimwald Place feeling very much alone, surrounded by the remanence of lives past lived. Old portraits, boxes filled with artifacts and precious family heirlooms and things Harry couldn’t even begin to place. This is the home Sirius had grown up in, grown to hate. And here Harry was, riffling through all of it trying to find something to hold on to, something that might remind him that Sirius’ words were true; that he hadn’t left, that those who die never truly leave and all that jazz. So far his search had been in vain. Sirius’ room left him nothing but the scantily clad muggle women and Gryffindor memorabilia, likely all superficial. All he could find up here were portraits of old family members that watched him with scowling expressions as he picked up another box. The dust filled him lungs and got into him eyes and that was the reason, not frustration and hurt, that tears welled up and threated to fall down his checks.  
“Harry?” came a voice from the small opening in the floor that lead up to the attic. Peaking her head in was Hermione, dust settling into her unruly curls as she fixed him with a look of worry.  
“Hey,” he said, his voice squeaking.  
“You’ve been up here for hours. Don’t you want to come down and take a break? All of this stuff will still be up here when you get back,” she said. They had been in the house, wondering and looking for their next stop for three days. Harry hadn’t even attempted to find anything until a day ago when Professor Lupin had shown up. He wanted to believe Remus was as good a man and he always thought him to be, but something about the encounter rubbed him the wrong way; it left him feeling raw and in need of some type of solace, something comforting about the days of old when Sirius and his dad and Remus had been happy and care free and the war hadn’t ruined them. He wanted Sirius here, so he could talk to him and understand why his friend would abandon his child like that. None of it made any sense to him, so this is all he did the past two days.  
“Just let me look at this one last box, Ok? Then I’ll be down,” he said in reply, and this seemed to satisfy her for the time being. She gave him one last look of concern, then disappeared through the opening.  
Harry looked at the box he had been holding. It was large, but not particularly heavy. He set in on the ground and leaned in front, the hard wood scrapping his knees. He almost cried when he opened the lid. Inside were pictures, hundreds of them all moving in a swarm. He spotted a few here and there of Sirius and his dad, and knew he hit the jackpot. The speed at which Harry grabbed up a handful was faster than his lethargic body believed it was capable of moving.  
The first one was of his dad and Sirius at about sixteen. His dad looked very disheveled. He was wearing a t-shirt and jeans and his hair was more disorderly that Harry’s was on a bad day. His square glasses were falling down his noise as he looked like he was wheezing with laughter. His skin was darker than Harry’s by a few tones and his hair was more solid in its black tint. He had his arms around Sirius, whose shoulders were shaking and had a sly grin on his face. He honestly looked about the same as he did the day he died. His face was skinny but not as gaunt. He was wearing an obscene amount of leather and had piercings over 90 percent of his face. His slender eye brows were coming up in a questing expression. He wondered what the context of this image was. Had they just pulled a prank? Were the sharing an inside joke. Harry would probably never know as only two people were currently alive who could explain, and he didn’t feel any urge to talk to either right now. He places the picture at the bottom of the pile.  
The next one was of Sirius holding a small child. It wasn’t Harry as it had fair skin and bubblegum colored hair, so he could only assume it was Tonks as a toddler. She was pulling at one of Sirius’ lip rings, at which he was laughing. A woman with dark hair was coming in the corner of the frame, hand out in front in a worried stance. Harry assumed this was Andromeda, and set the picture aside.  
The next was of Peter Pettigrew with something green and amorphous in his hair, and Harry and no incline to look at it for longer than he had, and set it as far away from him as possible.  
The next one was of his parents wedding. Sirius and Remus stood next to each other, smiling at the camera politely. Beside them was Harry’s mum, wearing a simple white dress and her blazing hair up in an intricate bun atop her head. Holding her at the waist was his dad, not looking at the camera but at her as if she were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Beside him was Petunia, looking very put out, and Pettigrew beside her looking out of place and uncomfortable. He might cut the other two out and keep the picture, as it was what he was looking for. He set this one aside two.  
After that was a picture of a women Harry had never seen before. She was seated under a tree wearing Gryffindor colors and reading a book. In the distance, you could see the outline of Hogwarts lake. She was smiling shyly, as if she really wants comfortable with pictures. Despite Harry never having seen this woman before in his life, she looked familiar. As if he’d seen her in a hazy dream. He had long, wavy auburn hair and scars that ran across her face. Looking through the box, Harry realized a lot of the pictures had her in them. Her in the Gryffindor common room, her in an empty flat, her in a dress next to Sirius wearing dress robes, them kissing outside by the same tree. This must have been a serious girlfriend of Sirius’ and Harry couldn’t help but wonder what happened to her. Did they break up? Did she die in the war? And why did no one ever mention her? He resolved to ask Remus if he ever got the chance.  
Incidentally, he never did.

 

Tears were welling up in Remus Lupin’s eyes. He never thought something so simple could make him feel so free and so terrified at the same time. Remus leaned into the mirror to get a closer look. The barber had given him a strange look when he had requested a “man’s haircut”, but said nothing and did it as Remus buzzed with excitement. Remus’ father had never let him cut his hair in Hogwarts, so he had waist length wavy auburn hair his entire life. It felt distinctly heavy.  
The door to the flat swung open and Remus heard Sirius clomping in with his heavy boots. Remus had been thinking about what he was going to say all day, but came up empty and decided the best thing to do was wing it. Remus kicked himself in that moment. How could he think the future of a 7-year relationship was worth winging it? He could smell cigarette smoke wafting from the kitchen. Sirius only smoked in the flat on particularly stressful days. In those days, they were days that someone died. Once, Remus had asked Sirius how many people he killed, how many he watched die. He expected him to say that he’d lost track, but Sirius gave a precise number. He never lost track of a single human life. The war was raging and Remus knew today was a bad day.  
He walked to the small kitchen and saw Sirius smoking out the small window, being careful not to set the ugly floral curtains on fire again. He looked up as he heard Remus enter the room and smiled.  
“Hey babe. Hair looks nice,” he said offhandedly, and went back to his cigarette.  
“Thanks. Do you want to talk about it?” Remus asked. Sirius looked back at him and shrugged.  
“No big deal. Just another day,” he said, as he always did. Remus sat down and looked at him twiddling his thumbs. They sat there in silence until Sirius flicked the butt out the window and fixed Remus with a knowing look, “Do you wanna talk about it?”  
“Talk about what?”  
“Whatever is bothering you.”  
Remus looked away and his hands went unconsciously to his shorn short hair. He made a strange noise in the back of his throat in lieu of a reply.  
“Rhea, I’ve known you for 9 years. I know when something is wrong. Just talk to me,” Sirius said with his usual intensity. Remus flinched at the name.  
“I don’t want you to call me that anymore,” Remus blurted. Sirius fixed him with a confused look.  
“What?”  
“Rhea. Please… I know it’s confusing but… It doesn’t feel right,” Remus says.  
“Ok,” Sirius said cautiously, “What would you like to be called?”  
Remus fiddled with his hands, “Call me Remus,” he hopes Sirius doesn’t see the humor in the name. Sirius nods, but continues to look at him for further explanation.  
“I don’t… I’ve never… God I knew this would be hard…” Remus says and Sirius put a hand on his shoulder, pushing him on, “I’ve never felt that that name belonged to me. I feel like Rhea is someone else and I don’t want to lie to you anymore. I’ve known since the Yule Ball that… I’m a man, Sirius. I know it sounds weird and crazy and you might want to leave me because I’m too much but I’m a man. I always have been. I feel it in my bones and my soul and nothing about it make sense but that’s why I cut all my hair off.”  
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sirius askes, a hurt expression on his face.  
“I didn’t want to lose you. I didn’t want to be even more of a freak than I already am. I thought I could just pretend and everything would be ok, but I can’t live like this anymore. I’m so tired, Sirius.”  
“You think you’d lose me over something like this?” his voice was incredulous.  
“I didn’t think you’d want people to think you were a queer.”  
“You think I give a hippogriff’s tail feathers what other people think, Remus? I’ve been in love with you since we were 12 years old, and I’d love you if you were a fucking walrus for god’s sakes. If you’re a man, you’re a man and if that makes me a queer, so be it,” he said it with such ferocity that it simultaneously scared and elated Remus. He couldn’t help but jump up and kiss Sirius, which he graciously returned.


End file.
